The dynamics of dating provide us with a number of challenges that make us question our insecurities, self-worth and level of deservingness. At the same time it is exciting and fills us with vital energy.
It focuses on a process of selecting the appropriate candidate to occupy the position of life partner; a position of considerable importance.
We evaluate and consider, and little by little we begin to like this candidate, and now we question whether they like us. We collect clues and indications about reciprocity, communication, availability, intentionality and motivation. We are in the stage that psychologist Esther Perel calls “stable ambiguity, a stable pattern of ambiguous behaviors that characterizes relationships in their early stages.”
Everything seems to be going well, and from one moment to the next everything goes cold and we don't understand why. Distance, lack of communication, confusing messages or ghosting begin to permeate the relationship. Dynamics that have become very common in the contemporary lifestyle and that are driven by the digital media that we use today.
Human beings are complex, changing and organic. We have thousands of thoughts a day and our emotions are transitory. Something that excited us at one moment suddenly no longer excites us, and as time progresses we notice that our motivation oscillates. This is completely normal and natural in our human condition.
Relational and emotional difficulties arise when we do not have the ability to recognize our emotions and act with integrity and kindness toward others. When a person makes the decision to walk away from a relationship, no matter how brief, it is important that this decision be communicated in an assertive way.
Emotional responsibility means being aware of our emotions and how they influence our behaviors and thoughts. Relational responsibility is the ability to feel empathy for others, leaving selfishness aside; It requires us to act with integrity and kindness toward others. These two capabilities require a higher level of self-awareness and assertive communication skills. Emotional capacities that some people have more developed than others and that are practically non-existent in others.
In the dating process you will encounter people who do not have developed relational and emotional capacities, and they use ghosting thinking that it is the best way to act. This is the moment that you realize that this person does not have the capacity to be in a serious relationship and would be disqualified for the position of life partner.
Ghosting can trigger deep emotions of abandonment and rejection in you. When these emotions arise we tend to blame others and project all our insecurities onto them, when in reality we are responsible for our emotions. These deep emotions tell us that there is an emotional wound from childhood that is triggered by a similar situation that happens today. Our subconscious associates lack of communication with a deep feeling of abandonment. It is important that you work on these emotional aspects in yourself, processing childhood experiences and developing new beliefs.
For example, the belief that your subconscious develops is
Ghosting = they reject me, they abandon me, I don't deserve affection, I don't deserve communication, I'm not important, etc.
vs.
Ghosting = I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who has emotional, relational, affective and communication capabilities.
Below I leave you a table that exemplifies the different ways that emotional and relational responsibility is demonstrated through assertive communication.
