Emotional dysregulation occurs when we are faced with a situation, experience or person that affects us emotionally and physically. Very strong emotional peaks arise along with physical and cognitive reactions. Emotional dysregulation can be described as confusion, frustration, shame, rapid heart rate, palpitations, obsessive thoughts, sadness, anger, feelings of abandonment or rejection. You can have
behavioral reactions that lead you to act impulsively and not logically.
When this happens to you it means that you are reliving a childhood trauma. The situation, experience or person is an emotional trigger that reminds you of that childhood experience. It's not easy to think about what childhood situation might resemble this current experience, however, you can use the following questions to get to the root of your emotional dysregulation. Identifying the emotional wounds that arise from childhood trauma will help you understand that the emotions that arise in you are yours, you produce them, and therefore, you are the only person who can handle them.
You will learn that it is not about what others do or say but how you can resolve and understand this emotional factor in yourself. Once you have resolved this emotional factor, “deactivate the emotional trigger” and the person, experience or situation will no longer have the same emotional intensity in you. This gives you a great advantage in relationships since you can make decisions based on logic and not emotions. If you do not feel afraid of abandonment or rejection, if you do not feel that you have to resolve an emotional issue through your partner and it does not generate anger or frustration, this means that you can think logically about possible solutions to resolve conflicts in your relationship. as a couple or if your partner is the right person for you. Once you resolve the traumas of your childhood you can begin to develop new beliefs based on self-worth, self-love and deservingness. You begin to choose partners who align with your purposes and values instead of replicating unhealthy relationship patterns from your childhood.
You can practice emotional self-regulation through writing and conscious breathing, performing simple yoga poses, attending therapy, walking in nature, listening to music, learning an artistic technique, exercising, meditating, dancing, and anything that engages you. your body and its senses. Use the following writing exercise when you feel emotionally triggered. At the end of the exercise you will find a positive phrase that you can repeat to yourself when you feel plagued by negative thoughts and emotions.
Written exercise
What emotion is this person, event or situation triggering in me? Why are you
triggering this situation in me?
What do I feel I need inside of me to not feel triggered in this situation?
What is this emotion telling me that I need? (respect, being seen, being considered, acceptance, communication, equality, love, respect, affection, security, being heard, appreciation, etc.)
Where in my life have I needed this most and from whom? (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, present moment).
Can you relate this need to a specific memory where it was very evident and painful?
Why do you continue to feel diminished and settle for something that does not make you
completely happy in this area of your life? How can you give yourself what you need?
positive phrase
I am the immense divine energy that flows, renews and fills with love, peace, beauty and colossal power every particle of my mind, my body and my environment already in this very moment.